"Jesus loves me, this I know - that is why I don't drive slow!"

" Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives."

" If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"I really didn't say everything I said."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

"Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool."

"It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on
the cost of living."

"You can't think and hit at the same time."

" If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a
shipment."

"All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something. "

"Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency."

"If I didn't wake up, I'd still be sleeping."

"Lawyers - Criminals I forget the difference"

"IF THE SCREAMS FROM MY TRUNK BOTHER YOU TURN UP YOUR RADIO"

"Work, yeah I tried that once. Worst 7 minutes of my life."

"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."

"Ice cream is not sexy. It's not wiggly and jiggly."

"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. "

"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."

" Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason"

"Love Thy neighbors but don't get caught"

Top Short Quotes - Funny Short Quotes - Funny Short Lines






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The witches fly
Across the sky,
The owls go, "Who? Who? Who?"
The black cats yowl
And green ghosts howl,
"Scary Halloween to you!"
- Nina Willis Walter

"I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween."
Charles Swartz

"I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?"
- Drew Carey


This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
- Conan O'Brien

Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.
- Steve Almond

There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery.
- Joseph Conrad

A gypsy fire is on the hearth,
Sign of the carnival of mirth;
Through the dun fields and from the glade
Flash merry folk in masquerade,
For this is Halloween!
- Unknown






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